Without You
by deadpancakesnarker
Summary: With the disappearance of Tartarus and the Dark Hour, the members of SEES continue their lives as ordinary high school students, but there was no way they could ever be the same again. There was no simply forgetting about him and pretending he never existed. Set after The Answer, a series of each member's struggles to move on in a world without him. Rated T for language.
1. Sorrows

**_Chapter I: Sorrows_**

BAM!

Junpei Iori winced as he withdrew his fist from the wall, his rapidly dissipating anger replaced by pain.

_"Why do I suck at everything I do?"_

His pent-up frustration left him and he crumpled to the ground.

"_Why am I so fucking useless?"_

It was that familiar feeling of inadequacy, of never being good enough. That feeling of being an utter failure in life.

In the past, he might have shrugged it off, or even hang his head and shut up. But no more.

_Since when did exams matter so much?_

Junpei knew the answer.

There was his old man. His old man was a good-for-nothing and a drunkard through and through, a living exemplification of the word _failure._ How apt then, that he had said it best.

"It's in your blood, Junpei," his old man had said one night. Junpei had returned home to find the old man (unsurprisingly) hung over after one of drinking binges. Yet the old man has been sober enough to remember about his finals. Talking about fate had been his idea of encouragement.

"You're _destined_ for failure."

Junpei was one of those happy-go-lucky people who were usually content to accept whatever life threw at them. He preferred to live in the moment, and hell we was proud of it. He never thought once about what the future may hold.

But there _was_ one thing Junpei Iori was sure of. It was that he didn't want to end up like his old man. He was going to do his damndest to avoid the same fate. He swore he was going to succeed in gaining some sort of respect in life, or die trying.

Then there was Minato.

Good looks, an aura of charm, brains enough to top the level every damn time, and a badass leader with an ability equaled by none. He was the apple of every girl's eye. He was Mr. Prefect.

And now he was gone.

Junpei promised that if he could ever see Minato again, he would apologize for what a bitch of a best friend he had been.

_"Why is it that we only treasure what we have after it is gone?"_

Yeah, he had treated Minato no better than shit.

At first, he had been jealous and insecure. Minato beat him hands down in everything; you name it, even in the one thing he was actually good in – fighting. It seemed like he hogged the limelight in everything he ever did.

But Minato never once boasted about how awesome he actually was and Junpei soon came to realize what an asshole he had been. The guy liked him for who he really was, faults and all, and Junpei never had a truer friend. Minato was always there when needed, Junpei dragging him through all his personal crap without him ever asking for anything in return.

At the funeral, Junpei had cried uncontrollably after everyone else had left. He had slammed his fist down onto the altar, sending the candles and incense flying, and yelled at his smiling picture.

_"Why were you always the one who had to risk his ass?"_

The tears were flowing unstoppably by then.

_"Why couldn't we ever do anything to help you?"_

After March 31st, Junpei had resolved along with the rest of SEES to honor his sacrifice by living the lives to the fullest. But he was all-too-predictably failing at that.

That was why he had actually tried studying for the first time in his entire life. That was why he had been so fucking angry when he had hit rock bottom again.

At least he still had Chidori, and he had Minato to thank for that too. Every time he returned dejected from the hospital, Minato had pulled him back to his feet and encouraged him to _"Go get her." _And he did.

He could not ask for more. Chidori was the only other person who ever appreciated him as an individual, a real, living, breathing person. She was a daily reminder that he was special. Every time he saw her face, he had newfound enthusiasm and courage to do anything. He felt he could take on the world.

_"When the going gets tough, the tough get going."_

Junpei sighed and got back up to his feet. He used to say that back in the days Tartarus was still standing. With new determination, he swaggered away from the exam boards with a look normally reserved for Shadows. Then he smiled.

_"Better watch it, bitches. I'll be back."_


	2. Regrets

**_Chapter II: Regrets_**

"Oh my goodness! Congratulations Yukari!"

"I'm so proud of you girl!"

"I knew you could do it!"

Yukari Takeba responded to the compliments with non-committal thankses and unenthusiastic hugs. She ought to be happy, but she could only feel a bitter sadness. It took her all her effort to fake a smile. Happy times are nothing if you have nobody to share them with.

She had topped the level.

_So what?_

She approached the board and ran her finger over her name.

_That's where your name should be…_

She had made her pact with others to live a fulfilling life. To live her life the way _he _would have wanted her to. To move on. That was why she had gone to cram school, why spent nights mugging when she should have been sleeping. And it had paid off.

_But what for?_

She could not envision a happy future, a blissful life without him in it. She had been living a sham up till now. And she would continue to do so for the rest of her long life.

After he died, she had cried non-stop before finally collapsing in exhaustion. Every time she stopped, she would inevitably think about him, and how she had let him go, and then the crying would start again.

Then she tried forgetting. She moved out of the dorm into a cheap hotel, resorted to going to cram school. She may have continued living this way, if not for March 31st.

The others had been there for her when she had been hit hardest, and they had helped her face her grief and come to terms with it. She had emerged from the Abyss a stronger woman. But like she had said kneeling on the arena floor, there was no way everything could ever be okay. There was no way she could forget all about him, or stop caring.

Some nights she still dreamt that he would come back and she would give herself entirely to him. He was only the second man she had ever truly loved, and now both those men were dead. One in an experiment gone horribly wrong, the other facing the consequences of that experiment.

There would be no others. Yes, she had reconciled with her mom – he had helped her through that, but she would never betray her love like she had. There wouldn't be any shallow boyfriends, cancelled engagements after cancelled engagements, jumping from one man's arms to another.

She wondered if he knew the extent to which she had loved him before he died. True, they had dated. They had shared some memorable moments together. But she told him _exactly_ how she felt. But she never said "_I love you._"

Of course, she could say that one year had been just too short a time, throwing in the nights they spent fighting in Tartarus, stupid exams and all. But in the end, she knew that she only had herself to blame.

_How could she have let him slip away?_

Teenage naïveté? Along with the rest, she had stubbornly believed that Nyx could somehow be defeated, that they would somehow pull through the madness unscathed and intact.

And pull through they had, and every day she woke up to a world without him.

Maybe she had been afraid. Afraid of being betrayed. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid to love.

But he was everything a girl could ever wish for. Handsome, mature, strong and independent, smart and understanding. Always listening, and fiercely loyal to the very end. He was perfect.

He had been persistent, flatteringly so, but not to the point of being mulish. And she had resisted, cooking up lame excuses about how archery club kept her _really_ busy, or how someone might start a rumor. When she finally relented and let him in, before she knew it he was gone.

_Why is it that we only treasure what we have after it is gone?_

The touch of a hand on her shoulder snapped Yukari out of her reverie and spun her around. The palm and fingers were metallic, but she could feel the warmth emanating from within.

"You still miss him, don't you?"

Yukari tried to avoid the incisive blue eyes belonging to the blonde who stood in front of her, but it was no use. There was no hiding anything from Aigis.

Aigis had changed remarkably since the incident. She had done tremendous work on her voice, and apart from occasional minor inflexions she could easily pass of as a living human being, which she was. All the finer movements, mannerisms, idiosyncrasies were there, and in addition she had developed an uncanny ability to read people's minds. Sort of, anyways.

Now the anti-shadow-weapon-turned-human-being proceeded to give Yukari hug not unlike the one she had received at Yakushima. Yukari had to resist the urge to cry.

"I miss him."


	3. Call it love

_**Chapter III: Call it love**_

He had once been the centre of her world. Everything revolved around him, and everything she had done either to protect him or to make him happy.

His smile made her complete.

At the start, no one could understand her subconscious desire – no – need to be physically close to him, to protect him. Not even her, and least of all him.

But he never minded her; in fact he actually liked the attention. He had taken the time to understand her, treated her not as a robot but as a living thing with feelings of her own. And in the process, he incurred the wrath of the others, not least of all Yukari.

Since the incident, they had become the best of friends, spending free time together and sharing the same room, but she still felt guilty about that time she had broken into his room, and the way she had snatched him away for most of the last month he had been alive. She had taken time he could have chosen to spend with anybody else, and every time they had left the class together after school she could not help but notice the look on Yukari's face that was half jealousy and half sadness. In that time, he had helped her understand her feelings for him and the relationship between them, but most importantly she learnt what meant to _live._

She wondered she could call it _love_ but she immediately shook her head. No, she was getting way ahead of herself here. She was just beginning to grasp the complexities of human emotion, and she was farthest away from understanding the most complex one of all – love.

It was inconceivable that love could flourish between a human being and a machine. She could have been acting out of a hidden guilt lasting ten years since the day she sealed Death unto him. She had let him touch her heart, literally, but that perhaps would be as close as it could possibly get.

Yet, she had inherited his most valuable possession – the power of the Wild Card. Proof that maybe they had been more than just friends. And she felt guilty about that too. How it had happened was still a mystery to all of them.

Maybe it was because she had been the closest to him in his last moments, the one who had held him in her lap as he spoke his last words.

Maybe it was because his mark had been burnt onto her Papillion Heart; indelible, permanent proof of their special relationship.

Maybe it was because she had been acting on a subconscious instinct to protect her loved ones. She had watched helplessly as Metis slammed Ken-kun against the wall and proceeded to lift him by the collar before finishing him off. She vaguely remembered catching a glimpse of _his_ face, then a powerful jolt of energy shooting upward through her body, causing her to shoot back to her feet. The next thing she knew Athena had transfigured into Orpheus, and just as quickly she found herself in the Velvet Room.

That had been the day when her dreams had suddenly stopped. They had all coped with his death in different ways.

Some like Junpei and Ken became withdrawn and introverted. The senpais Mitsuru and Akihiko had taken it pretty well, or at least did a great job pretending that they did. Yukari locked herself away and kept everyone awake at night with her incoherent sobs. Nobody blamed her.

As for herself, she had failed in her mission to protect him. It should have been her who had sacrificed herself. She was a mere robot, built for the sole purpose of defeating Shadows, while he had been a human being with a bright future ahead of him. She had tried to lose the humanity they – him included – had given her to avoid the pain of losing him and the thought of never seeing him again. She tried returning to being just an anti-Shadow weapon again. She gradually ate less and ate less, slept less and less until the dreams stopped, and the incident happened.

That day, they transversed the Abyss of Time, witnessed each other's awakenings, destroyed the imposter, fought against one another for ownership of the True Key, and kicked the collective ass of humanity's despair. That day, she rediscovered her humanity. That day, she discovered her answer to life.

So she now lived not for the sake of living, but to keep for promise of protecting him; to stop people yearning for Nyx to return. And she lived for the people he had cared most about, the people who came closest to being his family. And so she was there for Yukari, as she held her in her arms.

"I miss him too."


	4. Man's best friend

_**Chapter IV: ****Man's best friend**_

Koromaru leapt up the last few steps and rested his battle-hardened paws on the familiar paved stones steps of Naganaki Shrine, the small figure of Ken trailing behind him. The night air was cool and a gentle breeze was blowing. That time of year had come again.

It was on nights like these that another had brought him here, occasionally bumping into one of his many acquaintances or together with one of SEES. More often than not though, it had been just the two of them, with the entire grounds to themselves.

As Koromaru had run around unrestrainedly to release all the pent-up energy he had after a day of lazing in the dorm, his red eyes always inevitably wandered to the solitary figure sitting on the small seesaw, blue hair flowing in the breeze and the soft yellow moon reflected in his expressionless eyes.

He had also watched as that boy lead the team to victory every battle, utilizing their strengths and covering their weaknesses as they ground every grueling floor to the top of Tartarus. It was for that that the boy had gained their total respect and like the rest Koromaru came quickly to develop a fierce loyalty to him.

To them, he seemed almost superhuman, but Koromaru, if anybody, knew better. He had watched as those confident shoulders started hunching over ever so slightly as the months wore on and how every time he would take longer and longer to mount the long flight of stone steps to the shrine.

Koromaru had no idea why he noticed these imperceptible details. From the very beginning he knew was different from all the other animals. He could always tell how the old priest was feeling instinctively, and it was no different when it came to his new master.

In December when the Chairman's insidious betrayal was finally revealed and everybody including the stoic, icy Mitsuru sank into the depths of despair the boy acted as the sole beacon of hope for their lost souls. In the end, they came to rally around him as they had always done, and found the courage to fight against the end of the world instead of running away.

But Koromaru knew that even _he _had to be hurting, for _he _was only human. Koromaru was grateful that he was a dog, for he would never have to carry the crushing emotional burden they all had unwittingly placed on _him_.

He remembers the last night they went out together. That night, the boy was not looking at the waxing gibbous moon but silently at his feet. One way or another, it would all end a few nights away from that one.

Suspending his normal routine, Koromaru had crept up to him and whined as he rubbed his furry head against the boy's trouser leg. Perhaps he had sensed that Koromaru knew what he had been hiding within, for he allowed himself to crack a sad smile as he proceeded to fondle Koromaru's ears. That would be the only sign of weakness he would ever show.

Koromaru whimpered as he stretched his sore leg muscles and headed back to the playground. His body was no longer what it used to be, and he could feel his once razor sharp sense of sight and smell fading.

Ken was sitting in _his _usual spot. The diminutive figure in the zip hoodie was a sharp contrast with the boy in the jet black Gekkoukan blazer.

_Those would be hard shoes to fill._

By some strange coincidence the moon that night was full, but the round object in the sky that had once sat so ominously and menacingly now emitted a soft, peaceful glow. Even so, memories of the past had kept them on edge every time that time of the month came around. It had been almost half a year since March ended, but the tension was telling as Ken fiddled unconsciously with his zipper and Koromaru could feel his hair stand on end.

Koromaru wondered what would happen if something similar were to occur again. Aigis had since transformed from a mere machine into, well, _almost_ a real living, breathing individual, but would she be able to shoulder the entire burden and lead them to victory as he had?

As he broke into a trot upon hearing Ken's whistle, Koromaru hoped he would never have to answer that question.


	5. She must never know

_**Chapter V: ****She must never know**_

The autumn breeze blew and tossed the teal green hairs of the girl standing on the rooftop. The sports season had reached its peak and the clubs were out in full force, but neither the rhythmic pounding of feet on the concrete below nor the occasional _clang_ of bat connecting with ball disturbed her. She had just made a very important decision, and she felt the weight of it.

Fuuka smiled.

She had come a long way in her three years in Gekkoukan, and now she was about to take another step forward. The girl from two years ago would not have been able to envision herself now. She had been weak before, but that was all in the past.

But she could not have done it alone. There were many she had to thank for bringing her this far, especially Natsuki, Yukari and of course, _him_.She was sure _he _would have been proud of her. Somewhere, somehow she knew he was watching. After all, was it not he who had taught her that she was a unique, special individual? Was it not he who had taught her to appreciate her talents?

He and all the others had made her feel needed for the first time. Her parents' crushing expectations made living at home a suffocating experience and school had not been much better either.

But every time the team reappeared at the entrance with tired but grateful smiles on their faces Fuuka could not help but feel a warm feeling in her chest. It was for those smiles that she lived and fought, especially _his_. When he did she would blush and look away.

Yet she knew it was impossible. Just as she could only watch as he fought with the rest, she could never be by his side. Yukari was one of her dearest friends, but there was no way she could tell her about her feelings for him. She would giggle as Yukari talked about his many charms during their girl chat sessions, play along when the others teased the two of them about their relationship.

But she was alright with that.

She accepted that she would never be able to compete with the popular, bright and pretty Yukari. She was fine with waiting days or weeks for him to be free of the many engagements he had just for a single afternoon together or protracted bits of conversation during Photography Club.

But now even those fleeting moments of time were forever lost to her.

It had hurt when they lost him, but she had probably dealt with it better than the rest. Just as it had been back at home, she had spent the hours tinkering away on a pair of headphones until the pain all but disappeared.

The girl lifted her head and stared into the sky above. It was a common sight to her; white clouds scudding across an azure blue sky. She had spent many lonely days up here for hours during that horrible first year, but it was not all bad. Some of her most meaningful memories and been made on this very rooftop; she and Natsuki had parted here in October, and they had lost him here a few months later as well.

But her fondest memory by far was the time she stole her first kiss from him. He had been leaning over the railing with his eyes closed and the chilly winter air had been playing with his hair and scarf. The whole school was rife with rumors about him two-timing Aigis and Yukari and she knew she was not going to get another opportunity.

After she seized her chance she ran as fast as her legs would carry her all the way back to the dorm, no time to catch the surprised expression on his face. Her face was flush with adrenaline and she could hardly catch her breath. It was a feeling of part exhilaration and part guilt as Yukari opened the door with a puzzled expression on her face.

She smiled to herself.

_She must never know._


	6. Shadow Operatives

**_Chapter VI: Shadow Operatives_**

Mitsuru Kirijo closed the thick wooden door of her office behind her and allowed herself, uncharacteristically, to collapse into the familiar contours of her Herman Miller.

_God am I tired, _she thought as she let her fatigued eyelids slide shut.

It was an unending grind; 4-hour meetings and business functions, traveling to and from the far reaches of the world to represent the diverse interests of the Kirijo Group. There had been a party the night before at Yakushima to celebrate the anniversary of the founding of the company.

It was also an endless game. The niceties, the gestures, the nuances of body language. Facial expressions, words, intonation. Double meanings, innuendo, irony. The weapons of choice of the rich and famous.

She can't remember when she learnt how to play the game. She never had a choice. Thrust into the world as the heiress to one of the most powerful conglomerates in the world, and born into one of the most revered families in high society, she accepted her role with cultivated calmness and confidence.

She did, however, remember the man who taught her how to play the game and so much more.

Almost all her memories of her early childhood involve her father. She remembers holding his hand and being introduced to goggle-eyed socialites which were inevitably followed by a "My, aren't you a cute one, Mitsuru-chan!" and a pat on the head. She remembers too sitting in her mother's lap in her white puffy blouse and red skirt listening to him address thousands of shareholders in the backdrop of an elegant ballroom.

Of course, he was not the perfect father. Far from it, in fact.

Circumstances had made him an embittered and rigid man, but that being said neither was he loveless. There were no hugs or words of affection, but when he reprimanded her or did what he did it was always in her best interests and she came to love and respect the man for all his flaws and defects of character.

That was why she had been so desperate to share the burden his own father had placed upon him, why Penthesilea had come to her that fateful night. That was why she had, despite her conscience, tried to conceal the truth about the Dark Hour from the rest of the SEES. That was why she had been so crushed when he died in her arms on the roof of Tartarus.

She was still picking up the pieces. Management of Kirijo Group's many divisions was still being reshuffled and the Board of Directors had, understandably, yet to ratify her appointment as Chief Executive Officer.

Emotionally though, she had had plenty of help. She could still feel that slap Yukari gave her on the banks of the Kamogawa, and there was also the boy who had shown her the simpler side of life.

There had been something therapeutic about enjoying a Wild-duck burger or slurping ramen at Hagakure which always proved to be an excellent distraction from all the pressure and stress she was facing. She still visited those places as often as she could, though of course opportunities were few and far between now.

Then again, it could also have been the company.

_If he had been a year older…_ the thought brought a wry smile to Mitsuru's tired face.

The phone on the desk rang a few times, snapping Mitsuru out of her reverie. With eyes still closed, she lifted it off the hook and put it to her ear. _Apologies for the interruption, but the Board of Directors is requesting the lady's presence at the boardroom, would the lady be able to grace them with her presence?_

Mitsuru mumbled her assent and replaced the receiver before the operator could launch into her standard 8-second refrain. She shook her head and her eyes snapped open. Her duty called, but there was something she had to do first. The Board of Directors could wait.

Placed prominently on her desk was a slim matte black dossier, labeled 'Eyes Only'. It had been brought it that morning by one of her most trusted assistants. Mitsuru flipped open the cover and was greeted by the emblem of the Kirijo Ergonomics Division which prompted an immediate smile. That was one thing she had managed to wrest from the bureaucrats amid all the administrative wrangling.

The very existence of the Ergonomics Division was controversial. Many wanted it shuttered. The old traditionalists proclaimed there was no place for it in an honest company. Even Mitsuru herself had misgivings, but ultimately she felt that its' continued survival was a necessary evil.

After all, if could happen once, it could happen again. _Korobanu saki no tsue._ Prevention is better than cure.

More importantly, though, she had made a promise. First to fulfill and protect her father's final wish, and then to live her life to the fullest.

Yamagishi had already agreed to the proposal. Akihiko, who was God knows where "perfecting his punch" had indicated his interest during their last phone call. She decided she was going to consult Aigis next and passing that hurdle call a gathering at the old dorm. It was high time they all met up again.

This time, however, they would not come as members of SEES, but as Shadow Operatives.


	7. Epilogue

**_Epilogue_**

A pale blue sea, reaching out as far as the eye can see, so still some might mistake it for a mirror.

Above that, the sky – the blackness of limitless space interspersed with the twinkling lights of innumerable stars and faraway galaxies.

Sky folds and sea extends and melds together to create a dome of incalculable volume.

The peace is disturbed.

A black cloud materializes and expands in a spherical fashion. It reaches a critical mass and finally coalesces to into a recognizable form.

An auburn-haired girl wearing a familiar black uniform.

With the grace of a dancer, the girl lands first with her right then her left. Perfectly circular ripples radiate concentrically from under each foot.

As the surface returns to equilibrium, the girl opens her eyes to reveal irises as yellow as the Moon.

"Nyx."

The girl turns her head in the direction of the sound, and she sees a boy wearing the same uniform. Blue hair covering one of a pair of equally blue eyes, slim build, hands in his pockets. She closes the distance.

"We finally meet."

The boy catches himself and laughs, then adds, "Though I can't say it's _nice_ to meet you."

The Night Mother smiles gently in response.

Then, a disturbance in the air. The pair look up to see another boy suspended by two pairs of jet black wings, yellow scarf fluttering in the draft.

"Hey."

The boy glides down, and the wings contract and disappear.

"I knew you would come."

"Ryoji."

The boy nods in acknowledgement, and the girl speaks.

"You achieved the means to save humanity by using the power of the Universe, but that as you would have probably realized by now, has landed you in a prison from which there is no escape."

She shakes her head ruefully.

"This prison will steal you from your friends, your loved ones, and all who are important to you."

Silence.

"Was it worth it?" Nyx finally asks. "This world is too good for the likes of you. Nobody will know or care about the sacrifices you and your friends have made, and people will go on wishing for the Fall as before."

The blue-haired boy looks up, and the corners of his lips rise ever so slightly.

"This is the path I chose. I would have it no other way."

There is a quiet determination in the boy's eyes.

"I made a promise, after all."

_I accept full responsibility for my actions._

There is another silence, then Ryoji breaks it.

"Don't worry," he smiles.

"Normal days will return to this universe. For you, and for them."

He turns to face Nyx, who wears an ironic smile. "The Night Mother will sleep again."

He turns back and continues. "The Dark Hour will soon vanish from the world, and all will truly be relinquished from its dominion. The legacy of life will continue, thanks to you."

At that he reveals two even rows of gleaming white teeth. "And you and your friends will meet again. I know it."

Blue eyes meet blue and they lock. The other boy replicates the smile.

"Someday."

He breaks the gaze and stares into infinity. Somewhere out there, he knew, they were waiting for him.

"Someday."

-THE END (?)-

**Hey.**

**I've been wanting to get this off my chest for quite a while actually. Two years to be exact. It's been floating around in my head all this time, I just never got the courage or the mood to write it. **

**Until now of course.**

**So what's next?**

**Well, there's something else I've been itching to write for a long time.**

**A is for Angst, Anguish and Anarchy.**

**P4A is the new Answer.**

**Stay tuned. :)**


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